


ITACHI HATES WRITING

by orphan_account



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-01
Updated: 2008-06-01
Packaged: 2017-11-16 02:25:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/534456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL AU, ONOEZ!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	ITACHI HATES WRITING

_On the outside, Kisame is all blue and sharky and stuff. On the inside, well, he is probably all blue and gutty._ SCRIBBLESCRATCH. Itachi didn't know! Akatsuki Elementary was having a story writing contest, and because Itachi's parents wanted him to win everything ever, he had to submit something to the writing contest, and win it. Much to Itachi's chagrin, he sucked and failed at writing, especially with the contest's theme. _Best Friends._

His parents didn't know about it, but Itachi was affiliated with the biggest group of bad delinquents in Akatsuki Elementary. Hidan was the boy who said swear words to his teacher. Deidara was the one who put a cherry bomb inside a toilet. Kakuzu stole five bucks from his teacher. Pein plotted world domination in front of the class while the teacher had to take a student who had just thrown up to the nurse. Konan forced herself to throw up so Pein could plot world domination in front of the class. Sasori always brought toys to school when he wasn't allowed to. Zetsu bit people and told them they tasted like chicken. Contrary to popular belief, Itachi's cousin Tobi really WASN'T a good boy, and everyone took the rap for his wrong-doings, while the teachers still thought of him as an angel.

Kisame and Itachi become a part of that group for several reasons. They copied off of Itachi's perfect paper and homework at the price of beating up whatever fuckers picked on his little brother. They were also a good source of amusement, because though little Itachi didn't show it, he had a really twisted sense of humor. As for Kisame? Well, he just did everything Itachi did. He didn't have many friends, and that was sad. He was really good at video games, and Itachi hated his company less than everybody else's.

So since Kisame was the only friend of his Itachi's parents knew about, he had to write a story about Kisame. What was there to him? Well, he was half shark and half boy, but that was obvious!! Devoted friend maybe? The only other boy aside from him who was welcome to lay a finger on his Sasuke. Yeah, that was good. Then there was how they met. Itachi was drowning one day, and his bastard ass of a father was making him man it out. His mom was eight months pregnant with Sasuke, so there was nothing she could do. Five year old Itachi was on the brink of death until Kisame rescued him. Kisame was the best swimmer ever, but it didn't take a genius to figure that out. A half-shark thing that couldn't swim was like a… like an Akatsuki elementary delinquent who could play nice. Yeah, no, not happening. Kisame saved his life, and since then Itachi had his One Friend for about six years until he met Pein and all them.

He thought he'd lost his appreciation for Kisame throughout the years. Itachi could easily write a paper about Deidara, Hidan, or Pein, but Kisame was a challenge. There was nothing particularly amazing about him, he was just, you know, there. Itachi chewed on the butt of his pen. This wasn't working.

The next day he went on the Internet, copied and pasted the best "BFFs story ever" off some website thirty clicks into Google, replaced "Nate" and "Sam" with "Itachi" and "Kisame", saved it, printed it, and submitted it. A few days later, he won! Not only did he make his parents proud, but he was now a proper delinquent. He didn't even get caught!

Sadly, though, Kisame was very touched by the words that were not Itachi's. But like everyone else, Kisame would never learn of Itachi's treachery!

THE END


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